My friend Samia recently asked me a question on fragrances to which I cynically replied “nothing reminds me of love”. Yet, I love love. I giggle over it, I dream of it and I know it surrounds me. Yet, I hate admitting at times. Perhaps, a part of me felt compelled to deny the way I want to surround myself with love and that I feel it all the time. Maybe it is because the question reminded me of when my ex bought me the perfect scent and when I look at it I think “ugh, why did he have such good taste?”. (I mean he did date me, rhetorical question.) Still, moments that bring me to openly talk about love, both gained and lost, makes me feel the need to say something witty and not cheesy.

Luckily, I knew my cynical reply was a complete lie. I know its a lie because right before I fall asleep, I tell myself something amazing is about to happen. No clue what that amazing action or thing is, but I welcome it with open arms. I feel love and a moment of stillness as I begin my morning routine before work, allowing the spicy warmth of my chai to fill the air, smiling softly at the glass kettle that fills up with liquid gold that will get me through early morning meetings. It makes me realize that I have filled up seemingly mundane moments, with love, perhaps unknowingly.

I realized that I constantly dream of love, and not simply romantic, but the excitement I feel before meeting my close friends and how I cannot wait to tell them everything and nothing. The immense planning that goes in to our girls night, only to ultimately end up at the same wine bar and order the same dishes. The giggles we share are the same ones that bring me back to my teenage self who felt moments like this were only in movies. I find it weird to say I am healing my inner child, because I feel I had a very fun childhood, I felt heard at every turn, but I know spending hours with my close girlfriends heals me in a way that I did not know I needed.

Of course, I am fully aware that I am a complete romantic. I know this because I smile when I see someone walk past me with a big bouquet of flowers and wonder if they got it for someone special. I know this because I gush over old Bollywood songs with my friends and how romance in Hindi touches the soul in a way English never can for me.

I am also a firm believer in self-love, like clockwork ever night, I commit to a skincare and haircare routine that slowly reminds me of moments that are only mine. As I fill the rooms of my home with songs that make me smile, I am reminded that I am my own longest relationship. Every choice I have made has shown a strong commitment to growth, even if some choices are heartbreaking in their own way.

All these moments that are mundane, are magical in their own way. A subtle reminder that love is truly always surrounding us, even in my most cynical moments, I silently swallow my pride and know I am lying to myself, because I love love.