My ex’s dad said he would support our relationship, but then he told my ex I was not that pretty.

My ex’s dad said he would support our relationship, but then he told my ex I forgot to vacuum under the table.

My ex’s dad said he would support our relationship, but then he was not happy when we told him my ex was about to meet my family.

Ultimately, the support weighed too heavily and I chose to walk away. Don’t get me wrong, we had our own problems. We both had aspects we needed to work on, but there was one aspect I could not get over. I could not silently accept that my possible future in-laws were so against me. That in their eyes I was not the person their son should be with.

I am not blaming my ex’s dad. I actually blame my ex. Caught between his parents and me, he never said the right thing. Perhaps he did defend me strongly, but he also relayed every thought his side had of me. Making me feel lesser than in everyone’s eyes. Overanalyzing the comments my ex told me, trying to understand how he saw their side.

There is something truly heartbreaking when you look at the person you love and who says they protect you, and wondering how can they agree with all the things being said. How can he just accept this and feel I should know this? How does he expect me to be okay?

Initially, I believed I was being so selfish. I walked away for a few rude comments? Or did I walk away because I had already opened the door to rude comments, and was afraid of what was to come?

He stated that they were never rude to my face, but I knew they did not like me behind my back. Was that not worse?

I felt being myself was not enough. There were moments I resented them all. Why did they deserve to put me under a microscope? My family welcomed my ex, was kind, never expected him to do anything. They loved my ex because I loved him. They supported our relationship because I said it made me happy. Why could his family not do the same?

Did he not see the double standards? Was I making this bigger in my head? Why did I feel like I was screaming to be heard? When did I wake up into a bad Bollywood movie where “Girl meets boy, falls in love, family does not approve, heartbreak ensues“.

I would obsess over things I could do to make things better, and it finally dawned on me. I did nothing. I had loved a man who did not know how to stand up for me.

When I finally gave up, I felt so guilty. Part of me wondered if this was the right step, had I been brash? Had I just given up?

The one thing that felt so heavy was the constant reminder. I felt if my ex kept telling me these things, because somewhere deep inside he believed what his family said about me.

I was told I should have been patient, but a year and a half was patience.

When did it end?

I don’t think my ex’s family is the reason we broke up. Our lack of understanding towards each other broke us up. I felt unheard, I felt unwelcome and I felt that one day he’d walk away. I felt that he did not realize how these comments towards me were unfair and that one day these comments would be the reason we’d be against each other. That he never looked back and just affirmed who I was. I would hear “I see their point!” and break a little inside.

I like to believe one of my strongest traits is my willingness to grow and my growth mindset, and I find that when my ex and I had issues. I was always ready to tackle them head on, but he never fully wanted to get that I always felt how much I could work on us, the biggest roadblock we had was his family.

I don’t think he realized how these little comments were scattered around in order to plant seeds of doubt in his mind. That our relationship was never ours. That it was me, him and his family. I did not sign up for dating his family.

I loved him deeply, but I loved myself a little more. There are so many things I wish I could say, there are so many things I wish I had not said and there are so many things that are going to be forgotten.

Ultimately, support isn’t filled with negative comments towards your child’s partner. It’s being open minded that maybe this person can make your child happy and they deserve a fair chance. Don’t get me wrong, sharing concrete red flags are fair, but constantly complaining brings devastations and broken hearts.