Honesty is the best policy

Recently, my aunt shared that she believes my Instagram photos may give people the wrong idea about me. Specifically the fact that my photos where there is a drink in my hand makes me look like a loose woman. I wanted to correct her and tell her that sometimes the drink is on the table, however I was too stunned to speak. She continued by saying that I need to think of the message I am sending to people, specifically men. I was quickly reminded that no one would want to date, let alone marry, someone who just goes out this much.

Not to get technical, but out of my 57 posts, only 6 are of me drinking an alcoholic beverage. Do I enjoy a girl’s night out? Yes. Was I really going to take her advice? No.

Barring the fact that she is my aunt, it was disappointing that she said this as a woman. While I understand that it is important to be careful about what you put out on social media, there is a certain tact involved when addressing it.

My mom and I said nothing, but the words lingered in both our minds. The minute they left, we were discussing how vile the comment was. A big part of me wondered that she said “People will think you are a loose woman” but she actually meant “I think of you like that based on what you post”.

I am open to feedback and advice, however as a woman it is draining to constantly walk on eggshells in fear of being labelled.

There is no way to be the perfect person, however I’d like to view my family as a place where such labels would not even be mentioned.

Can I have the definition?

What exactly did she mean by saying “Like a loose woman”. She used like before loose woman, thus it was not a definitive statement. I could come off like one, not that I was one. It’s truly the little things in these moments, am I right? Most would define a loose woman as someone with loose sexual morals . Don’t you just love another way to define women in a crude and obscene manner?

Of course I did not ask her to define what she meant, but I believe the sentiment was similar to the definition above…

Truly, I just think these labels need to stop completely. For centuries, women have been labelled slut, whore, loose, promiscuous and much worse for simply living life on their own terms. A few Instagram posts later and I was told I could almost be one!

These statements quickly label someone and it is hard to shake off. We get to choose what defines us in life, however we do not get to choose what people believe about us.

I felt this even more given that I am from a South Asian family. Regardless of living in Canada, there are certain cultural norms that have followed my family even when they moved. News still travels fast within the South Asian community and I did not want anyone to think this about me within that community. Especially since most would blame my parents about all my actions regardless of the fact that I am an adult who is making her own choices.

A complicated dynamic

My relationship with social media has changed a lot over the years. I used to be extremely open with social media. I would share a lot of my personal life, from random thoughts to what I was studying, my Instagram story would contain it all. It was an interesting time. I was a blonde, I was very interested in enjoying every minute of my life and wanted everyone who followed me to live vicariously through me! That definitely changed as I grew older. I went back to my roots and wanted to ground myself much more.

When I finally decided to change my majors, I wanted to be much more intentional with what I shared. I also wanted people to not be able to know much about me based on what I shared. The most you could figure out is my favourite songs, places and books.

Instagram may be a photo based application, however we truly never get the whole picture. I only put out the edit, best picture with the right lighting.

The comment did allow me to rethink my choices and realize that I stand by every post, even the ones where there is a drink in my hand. My social media identity will evolve as I age, however it is not descriptive of who I am. If someone wanted to know more about me, they could simply ask.

In my 24 years of life, I am privileged that it took so long to have this label thrown at me. Being exposed to an environment of open minded people who cared more about what I had to say made me believe that most were like this. In a way, I am grateful that my aunt said what she said, it reminded me of a harsh reality that there are people out there who simply follow you to judge you.

All that to say, cheers to all the women out there who are living life on their own terms! I will continue posting what makes me happy and looks aesthetically pleasing regardless of what people think 🥂