Growing pains – adulthood and awakening
When I was four, I thought I knew exactly who I was. I was a determined girl who wanted to be a corporate lawyer. I barely knew what it meant to be a lawyer, yet alone a corporate lawyer. It sounded good though! My parent’s friends looked impressed and small compliments such as “I think you’d be a great lawyer!” kept that fire alive in me.
At eighteen, things changed a little bit. I felt a bit lost in my own. I had decided to pursue an undergrad in political science, however it felt odd. I did not feel as connected with the program as my other peers. I needed to figure out what I needed and what I wanted beyond just a career that I was not sure I truly wanted as I entered adulthood.
A journey of self-discovery
What do I like? Who do I want to be? Am I happy with the person I see in the mirror? These questions seemed so vague, however they forced me to really think of what I wanted from myself and from life.
I knew it would not happen overnight, I would have to take baby steps in deciding what kind of person I would be. I cringed at the concept of having to reinvent myself and it felt so cliché. Just like that girl in a bad rom-com who goes through a breakup and decides she wants more from her life. I was determined to not be cliché, I was just changing my life in an effective manner without blasting Adele’s latest album.
On the bright side, I was not going through a typical breakup. I was just unhappy with my complacent attitude and where it was leading me. I truly believe it is imperative to be mindful with every decision one makes.
Here is what I quickly jotted down after reflecting:
• Be more present
• Figure out what my career path is
• See the glass half full
Concrete changes for a better life
It’s definitely hard when you know what you want from life, but are not sure how to achieve it. Some of the changes were much more concrete than others. I decided to change my major, I went from political science to marketing. Really put myself out there and spoke to individuals that I admired in order to really understand how to bring my career goals to fruition.
Why change three years in?
When I was pursuing my political science degree, I felt that a big part of my life was consumed with this next step that would make me feel more secure. Yet, in the moment I would feel lost. Be it in my degree or my current career choices. I was doing what was right on paper, but not right for me.
This was one of the hardest decisions I made. Changing my major never seemed like an option, I felt forced to commit to a decision that I had made at 18. However, had I not changed my majors I would have always been left with one question “what if I pursued marketing? Where would I be today?”
I am beyond happy I applied for the transfer. I met great people, and finally did not doubt myself in my choice. I felt secure. Thus, figuring out part of my career path had begun and seems to be working out!
Positive thoughts lead to a positive life
While it did not seem concrete as a change, the way I spoke to/about myself changed greatly. It was one of the most positive switches I made. I truly focused on the being half-full. As cheesy as it sounds, your thoughts truly find a way of manifesting themselves into your reality. Earlier, I’d find myself focusing on the negativity of a situation if it did not go my way. While some things still bother me, I try to not let them affect me the same way. If I had any advice, try and see the best in every situation. Even though it does not always seem obvious, there is good in many situations.
A part of me would also automatically think of the worst case scenario. It held me back from pursuing many opportunities. I let fear decide who I was for far too long.
All this to say, I am finally doing the one thing I have put on hold for a while. Writing for myself, and sharing experiences in a way that will help me track this journey that I have embarked.
The Journal of an Amateur Adult 